Creative Nonfiction by Megan Cannella
saying, I used to date a lot of managers of strip clubs for a while
verb
meaning to have tried too much
meaning to have cowered in ways that surprised you
meaning to have smelled like fried food more frequently than is comfortable
meaning to have once been a different kind of optimist
meaning you used to get great coke
meaning you know how to be sad in a Miss Havisham kind of way
asking, Bathroom?
verb
meaning I want to fuck
meaning ya got any drugs
meaning I need to cry
meaning wanna go talk shit about this bitch
meaning did ya see who just came in, don’t you dare fuck him again, you’re gonna fuck him again aren’t you
meaning I miss you
meaning this bar is too loud to miss you in
meaning it’s too hard to be with you anywhere less public than this, so this is the only place I can be alone with you
opening a beer for someone without being asked
verb
meaning I see you
meaning I hear you
meaning I hurt you
meaning I’m sorry
meaning love me again
meaning rot with me a while, won’t you
saying, Yeah…I know him
verb
meaning he was inside me earlier today
meaning how do you know him
meaning he’ll be cumming in me while we laugh about you
meaning quit while you’re ahead
meaning I already know your suffering while you don’t even see it coming
asking, Wanna go for a drive?
verb
meaning I want to make out with you
meaning I have a wife at home so we can’t make out there
meaning I have a boyfriend who hasn’t fucked me in two years because he thinks I’m a whore
meaning I love you more than anything but the only place I understand intimacy is in these fields on the way to Kewanee
parking in a cornfield
verb
meaning is the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere with someone you barely know the safest place you’ve ever been
meaning how sad for you
meaning what are you outrunning
meaning what happens when you are found
fucking in a car in a cornfield
verb
meaning this is fragile
meaning you are fragile
meaning I am fragile
meaning too much space or light or air will break this, break us
being at the good Walmart before 6 am
verb
meaning you are drunk from the night before
meaning there were less cops on the route here than on the route home
meaning you’re sobering up
meaning you’re buying things to keep from crying
meaning you won’t leave til the Panera across the parking lot opens so you can sit naked in your bed eating a cheese danish before you pass out only to wake up with a hangover that only a three day bender can ease
saying, It’s good to see you
verb
meaning I knew I shouldn’t have come back to this bar
meaning you’ll never see me again
saying, I miss you
verb
meaning loving you almost killed me
meaning loving you is the thing I’ve done the longest
meaning goddamn, we used to get good coke
